Her name was Lola, Lola Bridge
by Tara Jazel
Summary: Umbridge did not accomplish her status at the Ministry by working too hard... Hell no! Here is her real history! Featuring a Dolores you´ve never thought about, mini-skirts, tops (eww), Barry Manilow´s songs, a new class at Hogwarts, and tons of fun!
1. All you need is quite a diversion

**Author´s note:**

(_I don´t know how this insane idea came to my mind, but I couldn´t stop smiling, so I decided to write it)_

_We all hate Dolores Umbridge, right? Of course! That vicious-looking toad... that little piece of...! Sorry, I got a bit carried away... _–_Tara coughs and continues her disclaimer_–_Anyway, Dolores Umbridge did not accomplish her position as Senior Undersecretary to The Minister just by working too hard... Hell no! Here is her **real **history! Featuring a Dolores you´ve never thought about... mini-skirts.. tops (eww)... Barry Manilow´s songs... a new class at Hogwarts... and tons of fun!_

_............................................................................................................................................._

**CHAPTER I**

**"Minister, all you need quite a diversion" **

Cornelius Fudge rubbed his eyes briskly. He had been working on a bunch of papers for quite a long period of time and now he was completely exhausted. Perhaps he needed a rest. He also needed a piece of advise from Albus Dumbledore, of course.

"I´ll write to him later" he told himself, while he got up from his padded armchair.

With a huge yawn, he took his traveling cloak from the rack on his mahogamy door and got out of his office. While he walked towards the exit, he bumped into someone.

"Dear Lord, watch your step Weasley!"

"I am sorry, Minister," Arthur Weasley answered. "I did not see you were coming"

"Clearly" Cornelius replied, coldly, and rubbed his forehead.

Arthur Weasley stared at him. He noticed his skin´s pale tone, and the stiffness of his moves. Then, he smiled.

"You look dreadful, Minister. You have been working too had, have you?

Cornelius nodded.

"As a matter of fact..." he muttered. "Hell, how I hate this job! Should´ve let Albus take it! Sometimes I feel I can´t cope with everything what happens in the wizarding world"

Arthur waved a hand in front of him.

"Rubbish!" he exclaimed. "Minister, all you need is quite a diversion"

Fudged frowned his eyebrows which turned into a stern, narrow line.

"And with that you mean..."

To Fudge surprise, Arthur looked suspiciously along the corridor. Then, he grabbed Cornelius Fudge´s arm, and he drew himself to his ear.

"Only if you promise me a... a little raise" he muttered, blushing.

"Whatever" was Fudge reply, rolling his eyes at the obvious proposal.

But Arthur had not finished, not yet.

"And... don´t tell Molly about it"

.............................................................................................................................................

_What does Arthur bear in mind? How is Umbridge involved? Answers in the next chapter! _

_And last, but not least, leave me a review or else... I will give you the PUPPY EYES! _


	2. Sweet Fancy Moses!

**CHAPTER II**

**"Sweet Fancy Moses!"**

"My car or yours?"

"Mine"

Fudge had answered just after seeing the not-so-reliable car of Arthur Weasley, which clearly seemed to be falling apart. Scratched from head to tail, the old Datsun seemed to have gone through a lot of rides, and one of its doors seemed to crumble as Arthur put his hand on it.

"Have it your way, then" replied Weasley, smiling.

Fudge looked up inside his pockets to find his key. He pressed the button on it, and the alarm of his BMW went off with a low beep. Arthur and the Minister slided into the gaudy car and soon, Fudge was driving with absolutely no idea regarding the place he was being taken to.

"To your left, now, Minister" said Arthur, just a second before the reached the corner, so Fudge had to make a terrible maneuver not to lose the trail.

And Arthur continued to guide the Minister, almost killing themselves in the process, until ther arrived to a place Fudge never thought about: The Leaky Caldron. Something was different about it, though. Instead of the dust-covered sign on the door, the was a neon flashing one, that had the name of the place. Another name, as Fudge noticed just a second later.

"The Kinky Caldron?"

Arthur smiled faintly.

"Just wait a bit, Minister"

Cars were parked all along the street, and there was almost no parking places at all. A woman in a velvet scarf twisted around her body got off one car, and a man with a vulture stuffed on his had, got off another.

"The way I see it, Arthur, the Leaky Caldron is a Night-Club at... at _night_" Fudge said, scowling. "This is highly... how long has it been this way?"

"Er... dunno, Minister"

Fudge tutted.

"I feel there is something you are not telling me, Weasley"

Without saying further words, Arthur got off the car and the nex thing Fudge knew was that Arthur had opened his door.

"There, Minister" Arthut said, briskly. "The Kinky Caldron is the best place to... er... _relax_. It´s almost nine, you don´t wat to miss the star´s performance!"

"How many times have you come here?"

"This is the... er... second time, Minister"

Unwillingly, Fudge let Arthur drag him out of the car, and they stepped into the entrance of the place, where the hunchback of Notredame (_oopsss... wrong tale!), a hunchback _received them with a smile.

"Master Weasley! So good to see you here again!" cheered Tom. "The usual place, I presume?"

Fudge looke at Arthur in a suspicios way.

"Second time, my ass--stonishing place!"

Tom had opened the door, and Fudge was now, his jaws dropped, looking into a place lit by neon lights, and waitresses with tiny black dresses, carrying trays containing cigars, candy-bars... etc.

He and Arthur were taken to a table next the scenario, and there they sitted. A wizard with a long beard rised from a nearby table and went directly to them, seizing Arthur´s hand.

"The new star you hired is amazing, Master Weasley!"

"_Hired_? ALBUS! What the heck...?"

The Wizard, Albus Dumbledore, smiled.

"Hi there, Cornelius!" he said happily.

"No wonder why you haven´t been aswering my owls" replied Cornelius, angrily. "Make sure Minerva doesn´t find out about this..."

Albus´s face paled straight away.

"Dear Lord, she´d kill me!" he exclaimed. "I just hope she, and everybody else, keep believing that _you_ summon me to London every night, Cornelius, because _you are unable _to manage everything. Hope you don´t mind!"

"Nice one, Dumbledore"

"By the way, didn´t you know that our dear friend Arthur here is the owner of the Kinky Caldron?

Arthur lowered his profile a little bit.

"Nobody needs to know..."

Albus patted Arthur a bit hard on the shoulders, which made Weasley almost crash against the table.

"There, there, Arthur! Do not be so modest!"

Fudge snorted.

"And your family is living in a... _burrow_, while you are a millionare owner of a Night-Club. Not registered, by the way"

"I am in the process..."

But Arthur did not finish the sentences, for a loud music began. It was nine o´clock. Lights flashed, and a blond singer appeared in the scenario. Barry Manilow.

_Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl... _

And then, a woman short hair, toad-like face and a velvet blue cardigan, locked in a cage above the scenario, began to sing and dance. Then, she drew her back to them, and made a reverence...

Fudge´s eyes were about to drop.

"Sweet fancy Moses!"

................................................................................................................................................

_So it seems that our dearest Arthur has a business nobody knows about! Will Molly and Minerva ever know what their couples do at night? Will Fudge die because of a heart-attack? Who is the misterious woman in the blue cardigan? Leave a nice review and you´ll know soon!_


End file.
